I'm searching through my school bag at the beginning of my chemistry lesson. I get to thinking about how I really need to clear out the dense jungle of half-used bits of paper and old worksheets accumulating around my books. Seeing as I hold the record for the taking the longest time to get ready for, well, anything (including a lesson) I'm still fumbling through my bag whilst most other people have already got their book and a pen out on the desk, and are chatting whist waiting for the lesson to start. Whereas I'm still head-deep in my school bag, searching... still searching... please be there... really?...Oh crap not again. No chemistry book to be found. Double checking... nope. Not a sign. Not even underneath the rubble of folded papers. Great start.
...>>
As I tear the middle page of another book out of its staples to use as my chemistry book for the lesson, I suddenly become aware that doing this has become far too familiar for me, and strangely enough, only in this particular teacher's lesson's...
Unlike most of my class, I've has this lady for science throughout the whole three years of being at this school, and my organisation has improved in every other lesson since I first joined - apart from in this one. I seem to be almost stuck the way I was two and a half years ago with this teacher...
This thought puzzles me as I scribble the date down and desperately try to para-phrase the overly wordy 'aim' into as little words as possible to limit the amount of writing I have to do.
'So yes, can you get your homework out please...', the teacher's familiar voice begins to rise above the back-ground chatter, whist she scribbles 'H/WK OUT' on the bottom right-hand corner of the white-board, just in case we didn't hear her. Shit. I had a feeling there was more to go wrong this lesson than just forgetting my book. As my face meets my hands, the flash-back of 2 days ago comes flooding back...
'Homework for Thursday - stick this into your book' She called out to the class whilst passing round a photo-copied A5 question sheet round to everyone. She came to my end first as she's placed me right at the front of the class since the start of last year (hmm... I wonder why?!). She saw me start to stick this sheet in, and was immediately alert and pierced her lips in my direction... Here comes the mumbley jibber jabber! 'Hmm yes, Jennie,'.. huff, puff, 'it's good you do need to stick .. huh.. it in, hmmm' *mumble, huff-puff-haha-huff-puff* 'because, you know,' *mumbley giggle, huff puff*... WHAT?!! Just talk, woman! Insult me slowly, why don't you?! I had had enough. To her, I'm still the incompetent, trouble-making, distracted little year 9 whom she taught two years ago. I have grown up, even if her perception of me hasn't. Maybe that's why, in her lessons, I've not 'improved' as much - because she doesn't expect me to. Because she doesn't allow me to.
'I can do my homework.' I uttered with disgust whilst scowling at her as she went on past me to hand out the rest of the sheets. She didn't hear me... Damn it! The moment was gone. Maybe next time I'll make my point.
Just as my mind comes back into the room, the memory then flashes through my brain of the amount of history work I've been doing over the last few days - piles and piles of labelled and highlighted papers littered all over the kitchen table, and about 6 cups of tea to keep me going so I would get it done in time for Thursday. Today. So that's what made me forget about the chemistry homework this time. A valid excuse, surely?
Well the fact was, this reaction of hers happened way too much over the last few months. It's not like I never do the homework - I suppose I just have no motivation to do it over other subjects because a) its boring. And b) I have a teacher who expects me to fail and not do the homework before I've even had the chance to, so what's the point? Even if I did prove her wrong, it wouldn't change anything - I've tried! She'd still look at me as if I'm a failure before even giving me a chance.
So she gave me that fake-scared impression people do where they stretch the corners of their mouth out and down, and tense their neck as if to say 'eeesshh!' (you're trying do do it now, aren't you?!). Then followed by a patronising 'Ohh Jennie, you've not done it, yeah? owwoohh.' Now that's where I'd had enough. I decided to be as immature as she sees me and not look at her all lesson! Doesn't sound like much, eh? Well, you try it! Seriously, Try not looking at your teacher for a whole lesson - takes a lot of effort! You don't realise how much you actually do look at them normally. It's kind of creepy really.
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